Hello beautiful people, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I was seriously lacking motivation and the will to think of or write anything. I wrote about my blogging blues here.
The truth is, I didn’t feel like I was making progress so I got tired of everything. I’ve been building up my motivation and taking my time. Thank you guys so much for your encouragement. Thank you so much.
I’ve always considered myself to be a bit weird. I always had the feeling something was wrong with me and that I had to fix it.
I used to try to be like people around me, mirroring their character. As a result, I didn’t develop a personality of my own, I simply became like whoever I was around at that moment. This just have me more headache because it wasn’t working. I gradually came to the knowledge that I wasn’t ‘normal’ in the usual sense of the word.
Then, 2017 came with a lot of clarity. I began to question the meaning of the word ‘normal’. Really, what is the universally acceptable definition of normal?? Is there a worldwide whatsapp group to discuss what is normal and what isn’t? Can I speak with the group admin?
I believe the idea of what is normal varies. There are places in the world where men wear a shirt and a necktie and then tie a wrapper. That’s their idea of normal, doing that in some other places will be termed madness.
I have accepted that I am enough. I am different and it’s okay. I don’t need to be fixed or adjust myself to certain people’s definition of normal. I just have to try to be the best version of myself.
The truth is not everybody will understand it or agree with it and it’s fine. That’s them, I don’t need to place that burden on myself.
I’m no longer apologetic about my ideas or beliefs or my idiosyncrasies. I realize that some parts of my character might need adjustment, but so does everybody’s.
I have accepted my body. I might not have a model’s figure or I might not be everyone’s idea of conventionally beautiful and it’s okay. I don’t have to alter any part of myself. I feel beautiful and that’s what counts.
In this acceptance, I have found peace and clarity. I still have a lot to figure out but I know it’ll come with time. I still have insecurities, but it’s okay. I just don’t have to let my insecurities define me.
I’ve become more assertive, more out spoken and my self esteem just keeps rising.
My relationship with people has improved, I no longer have the urge to hide or fade into the shadows when I’m around others.
Accepting myself has brought some friction between myself and my loved ones. It’s just that people are used to seeing me in a certain way so it is strange to deal with the changes. I’ve accepted this and I know that they mean no harm, they just have to get used to it.
I know I’ll lose some friends and that some relationships will be altered. It’s part of the process, some people aren’t just comfortable with others having a strong sense of self, they want to keep projecting negative energy. Thanks, but no thanks.
Self awareness is a journey, a process. I’m not at my final destination but I’m on my way. I have to keep reminding myself that I am enough. And to everyone struggling with feelings of inadequacy, seeking validation from others. Just know this: “You are enough”
I know this post is a bit all over the place, I just wrote it the way it was flowing in my head.
In other news: I started a beauty business. I have hair tools, appliances and products for sale. Please, help this baby girl’s hustle😩.
I would love to hear from you guys. Have you ever struggled with feelings of inadequacy? How did you handle it? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Till next time💕